ToT: Happiness was...and is...

This week on ToT we are discussing what makes us happy. One of our ToT gals thought of  this topic after reading about the Happiness Project. Here is the official topic: "According to the Happiness Project, some people theorize we are happiest doing what we loved when we were kids, say age 10. So…what were you doing at age 10 that you LOVED? Are you doing that now? If so, how, and how does it impact your daily happiness? If not, how can you bring some of that back into your life?"

Wow, I have to admit, this topic has had me stumped for a while.  First of all, it's hard to remember back to when I was 10 years old.  I believe I was in 4th or 5th grade most of that time, and to be honest, it was probably not one of the happiest times in my life.  I had been bounced around between schools a few times in those two years.  Right when I was getting settled in at one school, we up and moved. So, as I approach this topic, I guess I am going to try to remember what made me happy especially when it was such a tough time.

Picture it, Indianapolis, 1989 (Golden Girl reference)...seriously, though, I was a very quiet and very shy girl at this age.  I was more comfortable hanging around adults than kids because of this fact.  Adults have a great way of ignoring a kid when they are sitting at the edge of the conversation, just minding their own business.  I was not forced or expected to interact with anyone.  It was easy and comfortable.  I was able to lose myself in my day dreams, and day dream I would.  I had a great imagination at this age.  I could simply close my eyes and imagine myself away to what ever happy place or time I wanted to be in.  I was greatly influenced by movies.  My favorite movies were historical fiction movies, or Disney Princess Movies.  I was sort of in that "tween" stage (though it did not have an official title at that time).  Lots of times I would just sit and imagine I was Ariel from the Little Mermaid, or one of the characters in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves.  I was also obsessed with Native American culture at that time, too.  (I was a little all over the place now that I think about it).  I loved the movie, "Dances with Wolves."  My best friend and I often pretended that we were part of a secret Indian tribe, and even had our own language.  My home life was incredibly complicated at this time (there is not enough space, time, or energy to open up that can of worms right now), so I used my imagination or reading to escape the unhappiness I felt in my daily life.

I mentioned reading briefly above as one of things that made me happy at 10. I would have to say I read all of the time.  ALL of the time.  I read late into the night a lot of nights when my parents thought I was asleep.  One downfall of having such an active imagination coupled with such a strong sense of fear of everything (monsters, zombies, the dark-you name it, I was afraid of it) was many restless nights.  I chose to read to try to combat that fear.  Unfortunately, I was picking the wrong books to read for someone with so much angst.  I read a lot of Christopher Pike books.  (Mostly scary stories that a much older kid should have been reading).  I also read the Babysitters Club series.  I LOVED that series.  I think I had them all. If you have ever seen that series, you know that's a lot of books.  They filled up a four case book shelf.  I am so sad that my mom let me sell them all in a garage sale. I could have passed them down to Mia.  Anyways, reading was also a great escape for me.

So, as far as if I still do those same things now to make me happy, the answer is yes and no.  Sometimes when I'm playing with Sam and he wants me to play "bad guys" or "soldiers,"  I really regret the loss of my great imagination.  It's like one of those sappy Santa Claus movies where the parent can't believe because they are all grown up and don't know how to believe in something they can't see.  Well, that's how I feel about using my imagination or ability to day dream.  It just seems like it's gone. Life came along, and the responsibilities and realities of being a grown up just pushed all of that dreaming right out of me. On the one hand, I'm certainly glad that I don't have to draw on thoughts of being transported to a happier place to escape the life I live now.  I'm so happy that I love the reality that is my current life, but on the other hand, I do miss being able to just let go and be silly every now and again.  Don't get me wrong, I can be silly, and I can play pretend games with my kids, but it's work to do it, I really have to try at it. It's not as effortless as it used to be.  As for reading: yes, I am still an avid reader.  I have always been and I think I always will be.  I love to lose myself in a great story.  I love feeling like I can't put a book down until I've reached the very end.  Also, (I don't know if I emphasized this enough earlier) I do still find happiness when watching a great movie.  I don't obsess over them as much as I used to. I don't try to put myself in place of the characters. I don't wonder what it would have been like to have lived in a different time period or place.  I'm certainly not going out to see movies as much as I used to, and I don't sit and replay them in my head a dozen times after seeing one, but they do bring me some happiness. 

That's about it for me on this topic.  Now check out what the other ToT girls have to say about what makes them happy.  Their blogs are listed to the right under ToT.